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5/31/16
Mental FREAKING Health

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Certain things hit home and give each of us individuals “the feels”. We don’t all have that same “thing” and it’s completely understandable that something can effect someone more strongly than the next person which explains why we don’t all care so deeply about the same things. One of my “things” is mental health/disorders. This is not my first post on the subject and I highly doubt it will be my last because I care so deeply and because I hear negativity and negligence on the subject far far too often. Mental disorders like ptsd, anxiety, depression, etc are very real and very serious. I myself suffer from a few. I’m an open book and I’ve never been afraid to share my experiences in any aspect of life for the sake of aiding another individual. When I received my cancer diagnosis I became severely depressed. News like that in itself is enough to spark depression and on top of that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, being forced to medically retire from a job I was in love with, and dramatic changes were effecting my life as a whole. I did not eat, I did not maintain relationships with my loved ones, I thought about doing horrible things, I cried sporadically every single day, never left my house and overall did not function like a normal person. Words are incapable of passing on the lows that I experienced. This depression led to multiple anxiety attacks that led to ambulance rides to the hospital. I was embarrassed about how I felt and my inability to make it stop. I felt weak in the eyes of others, indescribably alone and could not for the life of me figure out why I could not pull myself out of it. When I finally felt like I could not take it a second longer and knew if I did not put a stop to it I would end up losing my life, when the mental pain exceeded my reasons for not reaching out for help I finally went looking for the help I had needed for far too long. I received medications, doctor visits and many many therapy sessions that eventually taught me to accept my disorders and handle them in a healthy way. Getting help was the smartest decision I have ever made in my entire life. I no longer suffer the way I did, I know longer wake up everyday wishing I hadn’t. My mental health is still a struggle to this day but it’s controlled. Most recently I find myself dealing with ptsd from the three weeks I spent in the hospital. I wake up from nightmares about the things I went through there while enduring my chemo, transplant and treatment side effects. I randomly get overwhelmingly upset about the whole ordeal and find myself slowly slipping into an unhealthy state of mind. The only difference now is I have the tools I need to stop it in its tracks. My point here isn’t to go on and on forever about my own experiences for the sake of appearing on your timeline but it is instead to share them in hopes of helping someone. Whether it be someone who is going through this right now or someone who is ignorant about mental disorders and finds themselves talking negatively about them. Too many times now I’ve overheard or stumbled upon a conversation that led to comments or jokes like “mental disorders aren’t real” “go take your crazy pill” “depression doesn’t exist” “it’s all mental, you can stop it yourself” etc etc etc. It makes my skin crawl and my ears steam to hear these things. Lift up someone in need, don’t put them down. Be open and understanding to things you may not “believe in” or understand because you yourself have not experienced it first hand or seen a loved one up close and personal suffer through it. If anyone out there is dealing with anything you may slightly feel is mentally unhealthy do not second guess seeking help and always remember that my inbox and phone are always open. Mental health is everyone’s responsibility whether you’re spreading awareness, helping a loved one or seeking help for yourself.

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  1. I can’t stop reading your blogs! So inspirational and so soul cleansing. You’ve always been an amazing young woman! Praying for your journey to health everyday!

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